Joys and Frustrations–The Rollercoaster of a First Year

Wow! It has already been a year since we arrived in Portugal! It really does not seem that long, yet, when I look at all we have done and all we have missed, it seems longer than a year!

We have said goodbye to family and friends. We have missed the births of a niece and a nephew, but facebooked stalked them both! We missed all the holidays this year with family, but were able to skype with everyone during them. Thankfully, there have not been any major illnesses in either of our families this year. We have really been blessed by that fact! But through all of this, as much as I’ve missed family and hated missing the major events, God has given me a peace that only He can give, and it has not been as difficult to be away as I thought it would be.

We would appreciate your prayers as we continue serving Him in Portugal.

- For our relationships with local churches and local believers. Pray that they will see the vision to reach the lost in their communities and start new churches and Bible studies.
- For the football team and our relationship with them.
- For our friendships with non-believers. Pray that God will use us as instruments in His salvific work in their lives.
- For our relationship with each other. Pray that God unites us as a family and brings us closer together as a unit.
- And most importantly, for our relationship with the Father. Pray that we keep seeking His after Him and draw closer to Him in everything we do.

God has taught us so much this first year. Not only have we learned (or attempted to learn) another language, we have learned another culture and way of life that has opened our eyes to our own ethnocentrisms and total American way of thinking. We all like to think that we are open minded and can adjust easily to other cultures, after all, America is the melting pot of cultures, right? That is really not the case. We are learning to view the world through the eyes of the Creator and His Word, and not through our own cultural ideals and norms.

We have also learned to rely on each other and draw closer to one another through all the frustrations and joys we experience. Quite often David and I experience culture shock – not being able to communicate effectively, not being able to quite fit in, just not enjoying being in an unfamiliar place… – and our first reaction is to lash out at each other. We find ourselves angry at each other for the silliest of reasons. I also feel myself growing angry and frustrated and totally lacking patience with my toddler (especially during this pregnancy). But, as we’ve been here longer and we’ve gotten more reliant on Jesus and more in depth in the Bible, we have learned that instead of lashing out at one another, we should be leaning on one another. So often overseas, the husband and wife team only has each other and their children. There are no other teammates near on whom they can rely. We are not in that situation, as we have teammates in the same city, and others who are not far away. But at the same time, even with others so close, sometimes you feel so alone. And your spouse is the only one who is there with you, experiencing the same situations at the same time as you. God has given us partners (those of us who are married) for life; I am David’s help-mate and he is my leader and often times my strength, reminding me that we rely on God when we are down and we praise Him through everything. That dynamic will never change, no matter what country we are in. But it has gotten stronger this past year as we’ve been through some pretty difficult times…in another country…away from family and friends.

The most important thing God has been teaching us through this year is to be totally reliant on Him. Let me be totally honest, this year has been the toughest year of my life. When God wants to mold you and shape you to be more like Him and to be totally reliant on Him, it hurts! I have never been as depressed as I have been this year. There were days, and even weeks, when I did not want to get out of bed each day. And only by His grace (and a very needy toddler) that I was able to get up. Some days (especially in the early stages of pregnancy when I was so very sick), I went from bed to couch. But, it was movement. There were other days when I needed someone to help me out of the funk, and nobody, not even David, was there to do that. I learned that I had to totally rely on Jesus, and not my husband or anyone else, for comfort. I was so lonely throughout this year. And in that, He taught me reliance on Him.

God is definitely teaching us and molding us to be more like Him in all facets of our lives. And it’s not just frustrations or sadness over here. We have celebrated many firsts – a birthday, steps, words – and are now expecting a baby girl! (Only 16 weeks! And, yes, we are planning on giving birth in Portugal.) God has brought so many people in our lives that encourage and challenge us and who have befriended us through this process. We are very grateful for all God has done in our lives during this journey.

The Season of Thanksgiving

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.  For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. Psalm 95:2-3

This Thanksgiving season is so easy to say things for which you are thankful. I mean, everyone is doing it. But what if you don’t have the food you are used to? What if your living situation is not what you are accustomed? What if you were separated from your family and friends, for whom everyone says they are thankful?

Would you still offer thanks to the Lord? Would you still have a thankful spirit?

(Some missionaries have shared their Thanksgivings overseas…)

Many times, it is so easy for me to focus on the negative aspects of my life. But, that is not what God has called us to do. In fact He calls us to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I am truly thankful for those of you who pray for us and over us. This past year (man, have we been with the company for a whole year, already?!!) has not been very easy for us. We’ve said goodbye to family and friends and the lives that we’ve always known. We’ve lost a sister. We moved to a foreign land, and we are in the process of learning a foreign language and customs (I don’t think you fully ever learn either). We got pregnant again. And on and on. But the one thing we have always relied on, besides Jesus, is our family and friends who keep us in their prayers AND who specifically pray for us by name and pray for the ministry opportunities that we are a part.

SO, what are some of our ministry opportunities that you may be praying over?

- David is in Vila d’Este (a suburb of Gaia with over 17 thousand people!) He is helping with an English homework group two days per week. Pray that a church be planted in Vila d’Este!
- This week David and I (and Gideon) have gone with a lady from our church (a Brazilian missionary) to visit people in their homes. These people have shown interest in God or church or anything spiritual on this site. It has been an interesting experience that has definitely taken me out of my comfort zone!  Pray that we would be able to share the love of Jesus boldly with those who need Him.
- We have also been more active in church activities. Pray that the local church would see the vision for planting churches throughout Gaia.  
- And, as always, we love throwing parties and getting together with friends! Pray that we would be able to build Bible studies with those who attend.

God is doing some really amazing things in Portugal! Please be in prayer for us, as we try to lead people to HIM. And let us know when you pray for us! That is really what has been keeping us going this year.

If you need more ways to pray for us, or for any missionary, this website lists ten things to pray for missionaries. It is pretty accurate, too.

Doing Work, Work for the Lord

 

This past Sunday I was able to give a sermon over The Great Commission, Matthew 28:16-20.  I have now talked people to sleep in 3 languages (English, Spanish, and now Portuguese).  Seriously.  The worst part about that truth is the first person to ever fall asleep in my sermons was my brother, .  LOL, They say family will let you know the truth.  However, I hope the Lord will bless the purpose of the sermon.  I tried to focus on application regarding the process of Going and Making Disciples.  If you could see all these apartment buildings, how they roll across the hills in waves that are unending, then you might have the daunting feeling ‘how can I reach all these Portuguese.’  The truth is I can’t.  However, I am not going to throw Jesus in a box and say He can’t.  So my hope in the sermon was the listeners would get the church planting mojo.  Having a 100 national-born missionaries going around Vila Nova de Gaia and trying to plant churches is my vision. 

Dream big people, pray bigger than my dreams. 

LOL, I know some people want to read this blog and see all the wonderful results we are having in spreading the gospel.  You want to hear about long lines of people heading into the water for baptisms.  You want to use a calculator to decipher all the spiritual numbers I am throwing on this blog. People, it’s not happening at this moment.  It’s a spiritual struggle.  That is why I am begging for prayer. 

So this blog is going to be short, and I think it’s pretty simple.  My holiday request from you is to pray specifically for Danielle’s and my ministries.  Pray that we can form more relationships.  Pray that the Lord will give the church in Gaia a unique heart to spread His message.  It can be discouraging to work for an entire year and not see much fruit from your labors.  A guy named William Carry was the first Baptist Missionary sent out.  He toiled for 7 years in India before someone believed the gospel.  I can’t imagine the difficulties that man must have endured, the loneliness, the frustrations.  I do know this, The Great Commission ends with a promise from Jesus. So however small my work might seem, however small the spiritual numbers I am able to present, I believe there is a purpose.  I hope you ladies and gentlemen will share with me in this work by praying.  

Philosophical Words of Timon in the Lion King: “What’s Going On?!

Hey people I thought it would be good to tell of some of the things happening in Portugal. 

Danielle and I finally got into Vila D’este! At the same time, we finally had someone accept our offer of helping with English lessons (sort of, ehhh).  I have went around to several places trying to either start English groups or help with existing establishments, but every place has been a no for some reason or another.  But a woman in the church, a past application, and the local pastor have provided an opportunity to tutor some high school kids in Vila D’este.  It is not the big group that I had envisioned, but I guess that sometimes the Lord only gives a person a little bit to manage (Matthew 25:13-30).  I am hoping that this volunteering role can lead to other opportunities within the community.  As Gargamel said in the first Smurfs movie: “Cautiously excited!”

Danielle and I are starting to build a good relationship with the only Baptist church in Vila Nova de Gaia (A city on the south side of the Rio Douro of Porto). We are trying to start of couple of projects in the church. This is the only Baptist church in Vila Nova de Gaia, and the city has a population of almost 200,000 people in the inner city.  Think about that fact! There is not much of an evangelical presence in this area.  We are hoping that we can help train others in the local church in some evangelism and discipleship techniques.  That way, instead of just Danielle and I working alone, there would be several of us working together on spreading the gospel in this populous place.  A little army of believers fighting, hehe like a bunch of spiritual ninjas. 

The ministry with the football team is a work in progress.  There are around 30 or so guys that go every practice.  It has been more difficult this season to get connected with guys off the football field.  Sometimes spiritual conversations happen at practice, but a lot of the time they happen outside of practice.  I keep trying and hoping to do things with the guys, and hopefully the Lord will bless in this area and bless these guys with the knowledge of His love. 

The café mission is hit and miss.  Sometimes I am able to start up random conversations with people that lead to discussions of spiritual things.  This past month has not been one of those times.  I am going to chalk it up as a dry season in the field, and hopefully good things will start to happen.  I still keep visiting and reading my Bible in certain cafés near my house.  The owners and some of the normal workers of these places have not had any spiritual discussions with me in a while, but who knows when the Lord will start a good work.

Just simple prayers this month for us… Anything.  We will take them.  And, if any of you have time to drop an encouraging word on Facebook, that would be awesome Some simple words can fuel our tank and keep us going… Read an article this week that had a quote that I appreciate more now, than ever: “Keep sawing wood.”  Makes sense to me. 

Faces of War

by David
Danielle and I want to share our lives with people and express the variety of ways God is teaching us. Sometimes I am stubborn and a slow learner.  Yes, sometimes stubborn, not all the time hehe .  It has been clear to me an issue that keeps arising throughout my time in Portugal is Spiritual warfare.  I am not writing about casting demons out of a person, or something that involves that clear a manifestation of a believer’s war with darkness. However, I have never been challenged in such a variety of ways as I have been over the past 9 months.
Paul said in the book of Ephesians, “For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.” 
In the states, I did not notice this truth reveal itself strongly.  But after living in Portugal, I now realize how subtle spiritual war can be.  The effects can be frustrating, prolonged, and if not addressed… devastating to a Christian’s witness. So, here are some different faces of Spiritual battles.
Anger – I am one of those types of people that will simmer on a thought.  If I feel cheated in any form, I replay the perceived injustice through my mind (I don’t believe continued thinking on negative things is biblical by the way, I should control my thoughts better).  Since I have been in Portugal, I have noticed that I do not avert my thoughts to a different subject after I become angry.  I simmer for hours.  The anger can influence my schedule and how I interact with people. Does it seem peculiar to anybody that these incidents occur when I am going to talk to people about Jesus?   Here is a prime example.  This past season in football, when I was about to go to a game or even practice and interact with players, trying to show Christ to them, Danielle and I would argue.  The argument would put me in a negative mood.  Danielle and I started to notice this pattern after a while.  We realized that these arguments could be spiritual warfare.  The realization allowed us to focus on the problem.
       A side note:  Anger affects relationships with teammates and friends.  It causes me to isolate myself so I can ignore situations.  It creates so many problems. It is a mighty tool for the Devil, and I am just now realizing how difficult the battle presents.
Distractions – I am a worker.  Now that is.  When I was younger, I would lazily allow my brother to rake the leaves and do the outside yard work, hehe = strategy.  So, I enjoy having things to do.  I enjoy going to cafes and talking to people about Christ, or studying on particular subjects.  However, I notice that things I have never enjoyed before have become more intriguing to me, for some odd reason… T.V., Internet, etc. I am checking my Facebook way too much (oh the irony of this blog being posted on FB). I love football, but when I start to watch a meaningless game of teams I have never even heard of existing, I realize I am allowing distractions take me away from my mission in life.
Past problems –  Before I was reborn, I lived like a sinner, shocker! The problem with my former lifestyle, is I don’t think the Devil’s workers have forgotten about my past .  My former lifestyle was focused on women in all the wrong ways. Now that Christ has made me a new creation, I have a wonderful wife and can enjoy that blessing.  The fact remains, as James says we stumble in many ways, I am in a constant Spiritual battle with lust.  I hate it.  Absolutely hate it.  But, I sowed these seeds early in my life, now I have to struggle with the fruit I produce from that lifestyle.  This spiritual battle is not going away.  It is a daily battle that has to be won… I realize that everyone does not struggle with the same thing.  Whatever your battle is, you probably know that the Devil has not forgotten your difficulties.  Keep battling my friend. Keep battling.  
Emotions –  I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, all the time!  And I don’t like heights.  The more I feel compelled to share Christ, the more I notice my mood is tested.  Anger has already been discussed, but shame from failure in any area, a feeling of being overwhelmed and helplessness, sadness from certain situations, thoughts of insignificance, and many other negative emotions are constantly having to be battled.  Funny, but these emotions can be complete contradictions of the fruit of the Holy Spirit.  It’s crazy to me how simple our emotions seem, but I would not be shocked if many times it is Spiritual warfare.  Spiritual warfare trying to inhibit our witness, our joy, or focus. 
I asked for prayer to combat this warfare.  Jesus has already won the war on sin, but battles remain until He returns.  Pray for me to  be constantly outfitted in the armor of God:  Truth, Righteousness, Readiness of the gospel of peace, Faith, Salvation, God’s Word (Ephesians 6:10-20).  As Paul asked, I ask, “Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel… Pray that I might be bold enough in Him to speak as I should.”

The Barker Family Adds One

This sounds like the title to a children’s book. One that you think will be cute and funny and have a good moral and a happy ending. But it really is an announcement!

If you have not heard the news: We’re pregnant! (Ok, my Portuguese friends. I am pregnant. David, technically, cannot be pregnant.) So let me restate: We are going to have another baby!

We are extremely excited about our new addition. And, yes, this baby was “planned”, or as “planned” as a baby can get (all babies are planned by God, but that is a subject for another day.) Actually, in my mind, I should have been seven or eight months pregnant by now. But, God had other plans. And His timing is perfect, as always. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16)

I almost titled this blog, “God, what were You thinking?” Because even though I admit that His timing is perfect, now, I am afraid that I have missed so many opportunities because I worry and obsess over my desires instead of focusing on what is before me. Now that I am pregnant, I wonder how much I have missed being thankful for the child that I do have, instead of being sad over the child He had not given me, yet. How much play time or book reading time or smiles did I miss out on because I was thinking of my selfish desires?

Or even more convicting: How many people did I not share Jesus with because I was thinking of what God had not given me instead of thinking of what God has given me? Have I been walking around mad at God? If I have, how can I share His love with others?

Now, I have not been mad at God, really. I just question His timing. On many things. After my blog last month, why does He choose now to give me a child? When He knows that I struggle so much with the job I have, why does He choose to bless me with another? I am so very happy that He has chosen to bless us in this way. He tells us that children are a blessing, and we want a LOT of children.

Even though waiting was a little difficult, I know it was well worth it. I did not have to worry about morning sickness while in language class. I did not have to worry about strange smells bothering me in the supermarket (now they are not so strange smells bothering me in the supermarket.) I have already seen my doctor, and she was able to direct me to her colleague who speaks English. I was able to enjoy a nice summer without being as big as a whale.

Now that I have shared the news, and admitted that occasionally I have questioned God’s timing and wondered what He was doing, there are some things that I need to pray about and would ask that you be in prayer over them, also.

Pray that I would allow this new situation to cultivate new relationships in order to share the Gospel.
Pray that I would not neglect any relationship in order that the Gospel will be shared.
Pray that I would continue learning the language in order to speak to the Portuguese people in Portuguese.
Pray that I would have an increase in energy and a decrease in the “yucky” pregnancy feeling of the first trimester. (Only a month to go before it should be gone!)
Pray that I can continue to be the wife and mother my family needs me to be during this time.
And, lastly, pray that I will not be too homesick during this pregnancy. I know it will be hard to be away from my parents and all of our family during this pregnancy and when we have the baby.

That is our big news! Do you have anything that we can be in prayer for you???

Here is my cape…I am not a super mom…

When I signed up for living oversees as a missionary, all I had was a job description and the knowledge that this was what God had for my life. The job description, however, was targeted more toward David. I think our job was actually for a single journeyman, and we had to get permission from the supervisors to come because the job said “no children”. The job description for the wife part was pretty generic, basically whatever ministry you can find – university work, children’s ministry, prison ministry, etc… So basically, I did not have a clue what I would be doing here. Only that I would be a mommy and wife and a “missionary”. My goal was to be “Super Mom!”

Now that I am here, I still do not have a clue what I am supposed to be doing here. I only know that I am mommy, wife, and “missionary”.

It is pretty daunting, really. Knowing that you have the job of being Super Mommy, Super wifey, and Super missionary all rolled into one. How on earth do you actually do that? I have never done these things before, let alone all at the same time.

At our company meeting last month, I got to meet some really great women who have the same roles that I do. With more kids. A whole lot more. Like, three and four more. Who seem to have everything all figured out. I wanted to hang out with them and learn as much as possible from them. Do you know what I learned? They really don’t have it figured out, either. Sure, they have ideas. But their main point was to fully rely on Jesus.

 

So, in fact, I can’t be super anything. Not without some serious help. Sunday school answer, I know. But oh so true.

I still really have no clue what I am doing. And that is frustrating. And depressing. Most days, I consider it a victory that I brush my teeth and get dressed that day.

Other days, I get the house cleaned, take the baby to play at the park, have a coffee with someone, and be home in time to cook dinner for David. Those days are few and far between. Let me tell you. That would be my dream day.

Right now, in my short almost nine months of living overseas, I have realized that it’s ok not to know what I am doing. As long as I know that I am a wife, mommy, and that I am supposed to share the Gospel with people. I have also learned that to be a good missionary, I have to be a good wife and mommy. That is my main ministry. That is where I feel God has called me first. And that will be true no matter where I am on earth.

What I do day to day might be different day to day. Some days, I go to the gym and have a coffee date with a friend. On those days, David and Gideon have daddy-son days. And I need to know that I need days like that. And I should not feel guilty. Other days, we stay at home and play in the morning, and in the afternoon we go buy supper or go to the park or go swimming. And I should not feel guilty for not meeting with a friend from Portugal. When people come over from game night, Gideon is getting big enough to play by himself. But when it is time for bed, I miss thirty minutes to an hour by putting him down to bed. And I should not feel guilty. I think that is my biggest enemy: guilt. I feel guilty so often for not doing everything, and often because of that, I end up not doing anything. (That is the depression rearing its nasty head…) There was a resounding theme with all of my friends last month: almost all of us feels like the worst missionary in the world. Or the worst mommy in the world. Or the worst wife in the world. Or, in my case, all of the above. But that is a lie.

No, I should not get complacent in where I am. I should always strive to be a better wife, mother, and share Jesus with as many people as I can. All too often, I find myself blaming other people or circumstances for my frustrations or about not learning language or not getting the house cleaned. But it is at those times, I realize that I am not where I should be with Jesus. I have not spent time reading the Bible that day. I have not sat down and prayed that day. I am at odds with my husband. That is when I feel lowest.

So, I guess those other women are right. I have to rely fully on Jesus. I am not a super mom.

So, you ask how you can pray for me? Just. Pray. Pray that I will be a great helper to my husband. Pray that I will show the love of Jesus to my son and tell him about Jesus at every opportunity. Pray that I will know when to open my mouth and tell people about Jesus. Pray that I will know when I need to step away from my child and have some “me” time. Pray that I will not be plagued with guilt. And mostly, pray that I will spend time in the Word every day. Also, can you let me know that you are praying for us? We love hearing back from people. How can we be praying for you?